I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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