Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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