Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
