The maid of honor just puked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
