She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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