so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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