Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
