Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
