im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
