This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
