Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
