so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
