Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
