Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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