please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
