I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
