you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
