At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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