I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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