We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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