dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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