After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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