I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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