The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Acid is not a monday night drug
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drunk is not a location!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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