We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
