happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
