:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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