I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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