the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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