We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize