At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
