Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
