Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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