This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize