Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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