Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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