Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
