You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
