the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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