Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
