your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
