I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
