get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
