Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
