everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
