my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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