I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
