Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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