hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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