it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ketchup is God's man juice
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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