oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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