I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
