is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
