There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize