So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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