i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
