I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
