He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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