I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
