His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
