I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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