Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
bring money and cleavage
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
