first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
