I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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