do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Non-Jews are for practice
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
