please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
