a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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