I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
