The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
