I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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