Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
