the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize