I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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