Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
